*Trigger Warning: This is a Survivor of Suicide Loss blog in diary format for the month of August to chart my feelings regarding my brother’s untimely death.

Song of the Day: It Was A Good Day by Ice Cube

August 2, 2023

Did y’all see the moon last night? I wish I could have gotten a good picture of it but *cues ~ All Of the Lights by Kanye* I can hear Rihanna singing.

Okay, anyway YES IT’S BEEN A GREAT DAY! To be honest, the day started unusually. I woke up super early and started working (in bed) for a few hours and then DUNN DUUNN DUUNNNN the sandman hit me with a bag of sand! 🥴😂🤣

At any rate, I spent the day with J (10) and B (5) but mostly B. He took me to this magnificent park in Wheaton. They had a merry-go-round but not the kind we had growing up.

One thing about me… is any opportunity I have to be a kid…I’m taking it! I played around a little, myself 🤷🏽‍♀️😂🤣 Sorry not sorry! Today was a good day!

TODAY’S EMOTIONS

Due to being occupied with getting ready to spend time with J and B, sadness didn’t overcome me today. There will be many more days just like THIS but keep in mind this is year 12 for me.

If you are at the beginning of your journey as a Survivor…you too will get here. DO NOT RUSH YOURSELF! Feel free to feel your feelings as they will come and go. I will continue to say this, GRIEF IS NOT LINEAR!!! You will get angry and question God! AND THAT IS OKAY! We have made God into this being that shouldn’t be questioned 🤔 God, whom gives us a choice? 🤔 you think he doesn’t want us to question him?

I DID 🤷🏽‍♀️ and you just like me may get some answers or maybe it will cause you to look within for a better understanding. Anyway, I could go on but I won’t 🤗 Come back and visit me! If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

Always,

Elle aka Fese