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We gon’ be alright! We gon be alright! We gon’ be alright!

Do you hear me, DO YOU FEEL ME? WE GON’ BE ALRIGHT!

Lyrics from Kendrick Lamar’s “Alright”

ROCK BOTTOM

After resigning from my 21 year career in July 2021, I knew I was eventually going to hit ROCK BOTTOM! I just didn’t know when.

THANKFULLY, God started preparing me back in 2019, when my best-friend suggested I read, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The onset of my growth began with that book.

The true test of my growth mindset was on January 30, 2020! I was driving into work all happy singing the songs from my Heading To Work playlist on Spotify. I parked my car, got out and heard the LOUDEST most DISTANT hissing sound. I looked around, closed my eyes and braced myself. Sure enough, my tire…MY BRAND NEW TIRE which I had just purchased two-three weeks prior had been punctured.

There was nothing I could do at the moment. So, I texted my companion at the time and he didn’t react the way I thought he should have but there was nothing he could do either! I said to self, “You’ll have to come back out at lunch time to reassess the damage. I grabbed my belongings and went to work.

LUNCH BREAK

I dropped my students off at the cafeteria and ran out to my car. Sure enough, my tire was as flat as a crepe but I didn’t panic. I did, however formulate a plan so I could get home at the end of the day. It was on this day, that I knew I was experiencing a tremendous amount of Spiritual Growth.

FAST FORWARD TO 2021

If you’ve been following my blog, Facebook posts or reels then you know that I resigned with FULL FAITH that God was going to take care of me. I was unemployed for over a year. STEADILY putting my resume out there but NOBODY wants to hire a teacher…either we are over qualified or under qualified. 🤷🏽‍♀️

CRY FOR HELP

It wasn’t until October of 2022, that I chose to be obedient and allow God to lead and NOT depend on MAN to provide for me. Sometimes we allow things and people to hold us back from our BLESSINGS.

So, a series of unfortunate events had occurred the end of September beginning of October that allowed me to see that my situation no longer served me. A few days after these incidents, I received a text message (a cry for help) from my daughter, which was my cue to make some major changes!

Needless to say, I was prepared for these changes because I had JUST received my tax refund from 2020…YES 2020 in September 2022, which allowed me to do what needed to be done!

OBEDIENCE

Fast forward to January 2023, yet another series of events occurred !a dios mios! A company that owed me, misprinted their checks (which already had taken much longer to arrive than I anticipated), as a result they had to reissue checks 🤦🏽‍♀️ but WHY ARE THEY STILL ISSUING PAPER CHECKS? okay that’s above me. My child support didn’t post, bills that should have been lower were higher than usual and as a result my account balance had depleted from $100 to -$500 REAL QUICK.

PANIC DID NOT ENSUE

I shrugged my shoulders, as I knew this day was coming. I made a few calls and got some refunds due to inaccuracies due to the companies’ negligence but my balance was still in the negative. When my paycheck hit everything was cleared but I was still in a bind because that negative $500 plus had to be repaid.

YOIKES

Still not panicking! Tuesday, January 17th, my cell service was interrupted. I could only use my phone to text iPhone to iPhone or for social media via wifi. I couldn’t make ANY calls. Cool, everything was under God’s control as this was his way of saying, “SIT WITH YOURSELF!” which he had been saying for quite some time but I’m a little hard-headed. I mean c’mon…I’m a Taurus!

RITUAL

I performed my morning ritual, a little later than usual but I still did it!

I lit my palo santo said my thank yous and then opened my banking apps one at a time, as I ran my palo santo under my phone to cleanse the negative energy from my accounts. I get to my child support app and it had gone from $0.23 to over $200 like WWWWHHHHHAAAYYYYTTTTT? I had just gotten a payment last week.

Now here’s THIS about THAT! Last week’s support was LATE, which was partially why my account was in the negative. The bank will cover your transgressions but ya gotta pay that back so, the insufficient fund fees kept piling up.

BACKGROUND

Child support hits every other week (well it’s supposed to). I hadn’t received a payment since December 20th. YOIKES, I’m trippin thinking about how late it was and the fact that I wasn’t trippin’! YAY ME!

Anyway, the money to pay various bills had finally arrived. Later that afternoon, I received a text from a special someone that needed to transfer money to me, so I could transfer it back to her via another banking app. I didn’t say yes right away because I wasn’t sure if I could cover it. Y’all know how these apps take a percentage from the money if you deposit it into your bank instantly. At this very moment I can’t sacrifice any coins…I NEED ALL MY COINS! So, I check my account, only to see that I had a higher balance than I did when I did my morning ritual. LIKE WHHHAAAYYYYTTT? Okay THANK YOU GOD! I SEE YOU WORKING IT OUT FOR YA GIRL!!!

CAIN’T NOBODY TELL ME GOD ISN’T AWESOME!

It all comes down to how you handle your adversities! I’ve been handling them with a large smile and handing them to God on a silver platter, just for him to turn around and hand them back on a platinum platter. VIBE WITH ME HERE!

Growth mindset, detachment and faith allow you to manifest the things you desire, deserve and dream of!

Years ago (my daughter had to remind me of this), I said that my dream job would allow me to work on a beach. I am now able to work from anywhere wifi is available. I created this due to my diligence in my personal and spiritual growth! If God tells you to MOVE you better be prepared to JUMP! Cuz YOU GON’ BE ALRIGHT!!!

Love always,

~Elle aka Fese

There is so much more to this story so stay awhile…SUBSCRIBE!

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!  Won’t let ____ blow it out.  I’m gonna let it shine!

Do y’all remember that song?  It was a childhood and Pine Forge Academy favorite. At the Forge, we’d be singing that song and clapping like we were singing at a major gospel concert.  Well, some WERE part of Lloyd Mallory’s Pine Forge Choir…the best choir on this planet!  HANDS DOWN! 

Anyway, back to the song…”This Little Light of Mine”! Christians are taught to let their light shine in order to attract those that are in the dark.  Christian by definition is an individual whose behavior and heart reflect Jesus Christ aka “THE LIGHT”. John 14:6, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” 

Soooooo…

The goal of being a “Christian” is to be the light of the world. However, how can a “Christian” bring a lost individual into the light, if their light is dim? Let’s talk about it! 🤯

I was born and raised in the Seventh-day Adventist Church. Therefore, I attended church, church school, multiple church services through the week, and eventually worked for the church. Sixteen of the twenty-one years that I worked in the Education System was for the Adventist Church.  During my sixteen years in the Adventist sector, I began to question whether or not Adventists were actually in the business of bringing people to Christ.

I experienced and observed individuals with dim lights, knowingly and unknowingly extinguish the light of others.  You’re probably wondering what I mean by that. Well, the Adventist System had one of the GREATEST Principals to walk the halls of one of its schools and love on its students…Ms. Q!  Ms. Q was a warrior for those children…ALL OF THE CHILDREN.  Whether they were Adventist or not, she loved them unconditionally and went to war for them on many occasions.  Some of y’all may or may not know that she was CONSTANTLY under fire for her “antics” as a Principal.  That didn’t stop her, as she knew that her students deserved and were capable of greatness.  

However, there were church members who weren’t fond of her and the non-Adventist students and wanted so badly to drive them and the school out of the church edifice. Hmmmm! Quite interesting especially since the school is the “feeder” for the church. 🤔

Example: If a student accepts Jesus as his/her personal Savior due to the “light” being shown to them at school, more than likely his/her parents will get baptized and join the church. Hence, the school being a feeder for the church. I’ve seen this happen on several occasions. 

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine but au contraire… 

I have experienced and observed some of the most unkind behaviors from Adventists. Yeah, I know we are all human and aren’t perfect, but aren’t Christians SUPPOSED to be a reflection of Christ?  

I left the church because my light had become dim. Imagine a well lit candle. Now take a jar and place it over the well lit candle. What happens to that candle? The jar extinguishes the light! Well, that’s what happened to me!

Light drives out darkness…

Since leaving the church, applying a lot of work on self and realizing that my past was part of my Spiritual Journey/Awakening; my light has been reignited and I’m able to share it with so many people. It took me 40+ years to realize that my eyes were “WIDE SHUT” but here I am HAPPY and SPREADING LOVE and LIGHT!!!

There’s so much more I need to share but that’ll be another blog on Breaking Generational Curses!  

In closing, Be the light that others need in this cold dark world!

Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that. 

Until next time,

~ Elle

Forgiveness is for YOU not THEM!

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting nor does it mean condoning or excusing the offenses. 

Excerpt taken from What Is Forgiveness ~ greatergood.berkley.edu

I’ve experienced my share of hurt, disappointment, setbacks, and backstabbing! There was a time when I allowed those things to dwell within and cause more pain than necessary. Over the years, I began to truly grasp the concept of forgiveness for SELF and not the offender.

2013-16 my second marriage was unraveling and ended in divorce, a very messy divorce at that!  My ex and I could not see eye to eye and we were going for each other’s jugular. The court proceedings were not fun nor pretty but definitely could have been much worse.  However, being an empath, I chose not to disclose information that could have been a means to an end for him. I just wanted to get this thing over with!

Years after the divorce, we still had issues with communication and “tit for tat” situations. I grew tired of the drama quickly. I was in a new relationship and very happy!  He was in a new relationship and got married!  I just knew that things would improve, as our concentration was on our new relationships (that couldn’t have been further from the truth). I swear this man had it out for me. But I was growing tired of the drama, the “tit for tat” BS, trying to find wrongs in every little thing he did, and reporting stuff to my attorney. Besides, who has money to keep running back and forth to court? So, I decided to let that mess go!  Approximately 2018-2019, I sent him a text, explained where I was wrong, apologized for my wrongs, and forgave him for what I had endured. 

I forgave him for my sanity and well being NOT for him.  Holding onto grudges is DRAINING and I had had enough!  I wasn’t expecting for him to turn around and forgive me…EVER!  

On January 8, 2022, I received a text from my ex, apologizing for his wrongs!  After all these years of turmoil, I was able to rejoice in the fact that he apologized for everything he put me through.  His apology was overwhelming and caused a tsunami of tears.  NEVER had I EVER thought I’d receive an apology…it felt good! I immediately told my son and daughters, as this was major for all of us!  I wanted my children to know that he took a major step by apologizing. It is my hope that they can forgive him as well. But they may need their OWN apology.

~ Elle

Survivor ~ a person who copes well with difficulties in their life

Hello Everyone,

Allow me to properly introduce myself…my name is Elle and I have been an educator for 21 years. Never have I EVER imagined that our world would come to a halt due to a virus. However, the world is full of nasty people so here we are. Never have I EVER envisioned teaching during a pandemic but March 2020 was the beginning of a new era…Pandemic Teaching! (YUCK)

Teaching is difficult on its own, as you have students with various learning styles, disabilities, personalities, and upbringings.  Now let’s incorporate teaching children online due to being quarantined! Teachers had to quickly switch gears from brick and mortar to online teaching via Zoom or Google Meet. This adjustment proved to be difficult for veteran teachers that were not tech savvy but also a challenge for those that were.  Many new applications and software were being introduced to educators to “make learning” accessible and interactive for our students.  However, the training/professional developments were inadequate and rushed.

We made it through from March 16, 2020 to the end of the school year, sometime in June.  Educators all over the world greatly appreciated our MUCH needed summer break which was unconventional due to the Pandemic.  Many of us were not able to go on our usual summer vacations, couldn’t visit our families, and we were just stuck in the house with nowhere to go. Extremely difficult for extroverts!

It seemed the summer arrived and departed so quickly!  The 2020-2021 School Year began with teachers and students remaining at home.  The good thing is that we felt safe at home! Yet, more responsibilities were placed upon the teachers due to virtual learning. Not only did we have to plan lessons, teach our students, navigate and utilize technology; now we had to learn new programs that allowed us to monitor students interactions online.  SMH!   Oh I forgot! We also had to cultivate relationships with these new students and their parents virtually (not a simple task but we made it happen).

I enjoyed being at home and teaching until I didn’t!  LOL!  As soon as it became burdensome, the governor said it was time for teachers and students to return to the building! SIGH!  I was not ready to be put on the frontlines, but I didn’t have a choice.  I must admit, it was great to be back in the building to see the eyes of some of my students.  MASKS UP! 

A new set of responsibilities and challenges came with hybrid teaching! UGH!  Teachers were urged to be kind and understanding towards our students and their parents. But who was our advocate for kindness and understanding? HA…a joke! This was also OUR FIRST PANDEMIC! 

The workload was ridiculous to say the least. Trying to test students in person and virtually to maintain state funding, analyzing skewed data, teaching in person and online, and maintaining a pleasant disposition! Needless to say, a complete and utter SH*T SHOW! But it was either adhere to the mandates or lose your much needed job! WE WERE STRESSED OUT TOO! Many of us had our own children at home, husbands, grandchildren, elderly parents, and/or pets to tend to after school.  But we weren’t important enough to receive such consideration.  

I could feel myself losing it…patience, zeal, motivation you name it.  I became extremely tired, mean, nonchalant, and my children (the ones I birthed) were getting the brunt of my frustrations.   I wasn’t the greatest Mom.

All of the sudden, I got this feeling (my intuition kicked in). I’ve had this feeling before so I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. I confided in two friends/colleagues and let them know what I was thinking/planning. They were saddened by but supportive of my decision.

I began discarding 21 years of educational materials slowly but surely. I knew this was the end for me. I could sense that the 2021-2022 school year was going to be a mess and my mental health couldn’t sustain what was about to go down.

After much thought, prayer, and a phone call (I received two days before the last day to resign without prejudice), I resigned!  There are no coincidences and it was my time.  God knew what was about to occur, he told me to take that leap, and I listened!  

Since my resignation, I have been denied unemployment due to voluntary resignation.  I haven’t received any type of financial assistance from anywhere, lost health insurance, and a nice paycheck!  I had just received a $20,000 salary increase, but I did not lose my sanity! MY MENTAL HEALTH AND HAPPINESS WAS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN A PAYCHECK!!! Who would  take care of me if I lost my sanity?  

ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE! Well, I was strong enough to say that I had enough and stepped away at the right time. Now, I have to sit back and watch my friends/colleagues dealing with the abuse that is “OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM.  It hurts my heart to read and hear the horror stories that I knew were coming but couldn’t save my friends from. SIGH!  It is NOT going to get better.  I just hope they get out in time.    

I AM VERY PROUD OF MYSELF…I completed my 21st year of teaching with 18 months of virtual teaching without adequate training.  I cultivated relationships with my students and their parents.  My students loved me and we all survived a very difficult year.

My heart is full!  I did my best for 21 years and now I begin a new chapter!  

Sincerely,

Elle ~ A Survivor of Pandemic Teaching

P.S. This is a current depiction of the education system 2021-2022

I’m so tired of losing loved ones.  August 1, 2011, I lost my brother to suicide. Losing my brother caused me to go numb and then death just hit different. November 22,  2016, I lost my favorite student! That really took a toll on me. Now, here I am facing the death of his mother, MY FRIEND, Moanick Fenner. SIGH!

My heart is heavy, VERY HEAVY!  I cry myself to sleep every night.  I wake up with sad swollen eyes that can only be semi-tamed by applying ice. I don’t feel like myself, as I’ve lost a very important part of me.  So, to comfort myself (because I don’t talk about what I am going through with anyone cuz I can handle this…just like I‘ve handled all the other deaths that were sudden and beyond my control), I scroll through our text messages so I can laugh and cry, while replaying Jhene Aiko’s Picture Perfect or just fall asleep with tears in my eyes. I MISS MY FRIEND! 

I always stay in contact with her, especially around Benjy’s birthday. I sent her a text in October with no reply. I figured she was just going through the motions, but was confident that I’d hear from her soon. Life happens and me being the understanding friend that I am, just allowed her time to respond because she ALWAYS  texts or calls me back.  But I won’t be getting that text or call back this time. UGH!  NOT MY FRIEND! I’m gonna miss her laugh, hearing her call me her Lite Bright, and her strut.  Moanick was short but she walked HELLA tall!  There was nobody bold enough to test her and I ADMIRED THAT ABOUT HER!  I could confide in her and she in me.  The unselfish side of me is happy that she’s not going to be sad anymore.  She hasn’t been herself since she lost both of her son’s suddenly. But the selfish side of me wants her here. I’m gonna miss my short feisty friend! 

I will forever miss you, Moanick!  Rest well my dear friend!

Love,

Your “Lite Bright”