Grief: deep sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death.

Six years ago, I had the privilege of closing our family reunion with the following devotional thought:

Public speaking is really not my thing, I am more of a behind the scenes person.  Let’s pray! I have been having a rough time coming up with a message. So, I waited to hear everyone else’s message in hopes to tie them altogether but I missed several of them for various reasons. Then Evelyn’s dynamic message really discouraged me from wanting to speak.  Friday evening before the sunset, my family and I went to Walmart to make sure we had breakfast for my son. The first time we went in the wrong direction, then we got back on track, took the right exit but didn’t go down far enough and got right back on the highway. As we were driving yet again in the wrong direction, one of the girls said, “Mommy look a rainbow!”  I quickly whipped out my phone to take a picture.  I started snapping away and then opened my notes app because instantly the words “he will never leave us nor forsake us” popped into my head. But that was a far as I got.  

 Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in the lobby so I could gather my thoughts for my worship thought. Lorice came over spoke about my dilemma and she began to encourage me…He will never leave us nor forsake us. I spoke to Diane after vespers and she also encouraged me and said that I would be alright…He will never leave us nor forsake us.  If we look around we see ALL of the family members that God has blessed us with. We should be rest assured that his presence will never leave us even when we are feeling down, discouraged, when we procrastinate, even when we neglect him. He is still there letting us know…I’M HERE! He gave us such a strong, stable, God fearing family on which we can call on when things get tough.  Not very many people have the type of bond that the Fordham-Wagner Family have and we are truly blessed. When we leave here let’s not forget one another and just catch up in another two years. Let’s try to stay in constant contact with God and with one another and remember God put us in this family for a divine purpose. We must always remember that God will never leave us nor forsake us.                (Written July 30, 2011)

Correlation: a mutual relationship or connection between two or more things.

Who knew that the following day, life as I had known it…would forever be altered.

“So sad to see you go so soon

I know that you ain’t coming back

Every minute you’re gone

I’m missing you so

I can’t believe that you’re far away

Can’t get you out of my mind” 

~ Marsha Ambrosius (Far Away)

 

Since the loss of my brother in 2011, I haven’t given attending Family Reunion a second thought…it’s just too hard. I’ve correlated it with losing my brother, my first best friend.  Please know that I love each of dearly but this time 6 years ago, I still had a brother.  The days leading to the anniversary of his death, are the hardest for me.  I feel like God did forsake me and Family Reunion is a constant reminder of my loss.  Some may say I’m being selfish.  Sorry, not sorry…I’m still grieving.  The pressure of grief comes and goes. I must allow myself this time to grieve.

Thanks for understanding.