Forgiveness is for YOU not THEM!

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting nor does it mean condoning or excusing the offenses. 

Excerpt taken from What Is Forgiveness ~ greatergood.berkley.edu

I’ve experienced my share of hurt, disappointment, setbacks, and backstabbing! There was a time when I allowed those things to dwell within and cause more pain than necessary. Over the years, I began to truly grasp the concept of forgiveness for SELF and not the offender.

2013-16 my second marriage was unraveling and ended in divorce, a very messy divorce at that!  My ex and I could not see eye to eye and we were going for each other’s jugular. The court proceedings were not fun nor pretty but definitely could have been much worse.  However, being an empath, I chose not to disclose information that could have been a means to an end for him. I just wanted to get this thing over with!

Years after the divorce, we still had issues with communication and “tit for tat” situations. I grew tired of the drama quickly. I was in a new relationship and very happy!  He was in a new relationship and got married!  I just knew that things would improve, as our concentration was on our new relationships (that couldn’t have been further from the truth). I swear this man had it out for me. But I was growing tired of the drama, the “tit for tat” BS, trying to find wrongs in every little thing he did, and reporting stuff to my attorney. Besides, who has money to keep running back and forth to court? So, I decided to let that mess go!  Approximately 2018-2019, I sent him a text, explained where I was wrong, apologized for my wrongs, and forgave him for what I had endured. 

I forgave him for my sanity and well being NOT for him.  Holding onto grudges is DRAINING and I had had enough!  I wasn’t expecting for him to turn around and forgive me…EVER!  

On January 8, 2022, I received a text from my ex, apologizing for his wrongs!  After all these years of turmoil, I was able to rejoice in the fact that he apologized for everything he put me through.  His apology was overwhelming and caused a tsunami of tears.  NEVER had I EVER thought I’d receive an apology…it felt good! I immediately told my son and daughters, as this was major for all of us!  I wanted my children to know that he took a major step by apologizing. It is my hope that they can forgive him as well. But they may need their OWN apology.

~ Elle